Captain Crazy Crunch

I consider myself a fairly capable person, able to handle a rather good deal of "stuff" that comes my way. And by "stuff," I mean managing my job, where I get random calls and emails from all over the world, help keep a house surrounded by animals upright, and generally make it through the day without necessitating my arrest or hospitalization.

One thing, however, gets me every time.

And that one thing, folks is...

The cereal aisle of the grocery store.



It's important to know that for nearly 10 years, I have eaten exactly the same kind of cereal for breakfast, nearly every morning. Because I am JUST that cool, I eat plain shredded wheat blocks in plain Greek yogurt. It's healthy, even it it tastes like eating crunchy nothing dipped in sour cream. I've even convinced myself I like it.

The brand (Mom's Best, chosen specifically because they power their factories with wind), is on the bottom shelf, approximately 3 yards into the cereal aisle. I grab it and go, and hardly ever venture into the rest of the aisle, mainly because Eric likes multiple kinds of cereal, and often gets in moods for one or another, and it's best if he just buy what he feels like.

However, there are exceptions.

I was on the way to the store recently, and Eric asked me to grab him Raisin Bran. I also decided that I would make Rice Krispie treats this year for Christmas.

Do you know that there are multiple companies that make Raisin Bran? Post, Kellog's, some other brand, and, I thought, a store brand. I tried looking for a store brand. Nope, no store brand. I looked harder, because I know that we've purchased the store brand before.

The cereal aisle is arranged in a way that makes no sense. It is not arranged by brand, nor by "type" of cereal. There seems to be no discernible order, rhyme or reason to product placement on the shelves, other than obviously putting the marshmallow-laden garbage with the free toy at toddler-eye level.

I walked that aisle for a good ten minutes, first trying to find the Raisin Bran, then, bafflingly, trying to find the Rice Krispies. At one point, I started wondering if they stopped making them, as I found the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup cereal (I assume this is candy in a bowl?), Frozen brand cereal with Elsa and Anna marshmallows, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, 18 different flavors of Cheerios (what happened to just "Cheerios?"), and something that looked like a frosted birthday cake in a cereal box before I finally found the Rice Krispies - and no, no store brand on that either.

By the time I left that aisle, I swear to you I was having heart palpitations. I felt stymied and overwhelmed, and ended up doing yoga breathing in the dairy section to get things back under control.

As if that wasn't enough insult and injury...

Did you know you can substitute olive oil for butter in just about any recipe, except, apparently, Rice Krispie treats?

Only I can screw up a no-bake, 3 pre-made ingredient recipe...

Would you like a Rice Krispie treat, emphasis on the Krispie?

Every year, it's always something...